Meditating
Michael
“Dad, look, what kind of animal is that?” She was bent over and pushing something on the ground with a small stick in her hand. I got up from the sun loungers where I had spent several hours sunbathing and went to see what it was about. Looking closely, I realized that it was a jellyfish. These things are poisonous despite their gelatinous appearance and weird shape.
I took Susie by the hand and led her away from the mollusk, while I told her, “If you see something like that again, don’t touch it. It is poisonous and can cause you harm. Do not trust yourself because we are Lycians. It doesn’t hurt to be careful.”
My daughter, without taking her eyes off it, said, “Where are the fangs? I do not see them.”
“Oh! They do not need to have fangs to inject their venom. They do it through their tentacles.”
“It looks awful anyway,” she said, as she tossed the stick a few inches away from the jellyfish.
“I’m hungry, what time are we going to eat?” Susie said as she kicked a small rock that was in her way. Her emotions were still volatile, as she still hadn’t fully accepted that her mom would no longer be with us unless something extraordinary happened. I doubt it, knowing Laura. I’ve always known that her pride has got her into a lot of trouble before. And despite marrying me, and settling down, that horrible personality came out from time to time.
I took Susie by the hand, and we walked along the beach, while I told her, “What do you want to eat? Human food? Or do you want to hunt something?” She looked up from the sand at me, then said, “I want that fish that’s covered. I saw a shop on the way here. A girl was holding a container full of that fish and chips. It also had a red sauce on top. I want that.” Mm, battered fish with chips. And the red sauce was surely ketchup. Not bad.
“I think it’s a fantastic idea. Human fried food always tastes delicious. Let’s go then” And hand in hand, we crossed the beach to get to the food store. There we ordered one for her and one for me. I paid, and we were on our way, doing exactly as humans did, eating as we walked. And while we headed back to the cabin I rented near the beach, I was meditating on this world that is not ours. It was attractive, and even addictive for many of us, but risky at the same time. In the blink of an eye, we could be influenced by this culture and slowly lose ours.
“We don’t live apart from other packs or humans, but it’s a good place to raise our pups.” My mind took me to the moment when I was talking to Terra the other day, remembering her words. It’s impossible for me not to. Any situation or circumstance these last days reminded me of her. Terra. What is she doing right now? I shook my head, trying to get rid of those thoughts since my intention to walk away was to think coldly. I needed to patch things up with my daughter and figure out the path to follow after Laura left the pack.
But it didn’t matter how many times I tried to convince myself not to think about her. Her face automatically appeared in my mind. If I saw the horizon, I saw her, if the waves of the sea touched my feet, she was there. Her presence followed me here, and I didn’t know how to get rid of that. But I already knew deep inside that I was not going to be able to do it. Her presence stuck in my mind resoundingly, with no opportunity to decide for myself. It was Terra and nothing else.
I was even surprised that what happened with Laura hadn’t hurt me as it should have. My mind and body refused to think about anyone apart from Terra. I felt lost, and confused. The bond really was something that doesn’t have a rival, and I was experiencing it for myself.
Without realizing it, we had already walked all the way to the cabin. Susie, letting go of my hand, ran inside, probably to put on the bathing suit that I bought for her to swim in the pool that was at the back of the cabin. Her favourite place since we arrived. I went in after her and closed the door, going straight to my room and lying down on the bed. Closing my eyes, I couldn’t stop the incessant images of Terra appearing one after another. I couldn’t sleep, I was unable to close my eyes without seeing her.
My beast was no better, it demanded every second to go back and go for our mate. His impatience was driving me crazy, to the point of giving in and doing what he wanted. But I promised my daughter that we would spend time together, and here I was, dreaming of the woman I left at home. I was getting sick. And as the days went by away from her, my eyes saw all different. The colours stopped being vibrant, and the things lost their sense to me. The food did not taste the same, and the nights were sleepless.
I would have run back to her if it weren’t for my daughter keeping my feet on the ground.
The days passed without change, at least for me, but the one making progress was Susie. Her smile gradually returned, going back to being the little girl, vivacious and restless, that I knew. Not everything was perfect, since from time to time, she isolated herself and retracted in herself when missed her mother. But it didn’t last long. The opposite happened to me. It felt like Laura wasn’t in my life these past twelve years. Guilty? No, I didn’t feel guilty because I only thought of her. Hold her in my arms and love her. Make love to her again, day and night. Sink my fangs into her flesh, and leave my mark forever. My head hurts thinking of her. My desires were on the surface, yelling at me to return, to her. Terra, Terra.
One day, in bed without wanting to get up, Susie entered my room, and watching me there, she approached and sat next to me. After she took my hand, she said, “Dad, we can go home now. I know you want to see her. I can feel your anxiety grow every day. Your wolf won’t even let me sleep, as his howls’ are unbearable”. I did notice that my wolf was stressed, but not to such a degree.
“I know a bit about the bond between fated mates, I have heard the wolves talk about it once in a while. And if Terra is your mate, you need to be with her”. Susie paused, leaving me cold with what she said, then, she continued, “I don’t want to see you sad, Dad.” And resting her head on my chest, she hugged me. “Let’s go back, Dad. If you decide to take her home, I promise you I will obey and not be rude to her.”
I put my arms around her and kissed her head, closing my eyes, relieved. The weight of the world that I carried on my shoulders disappeared, leaving my heart as free and light as ever. That something that disturbed me in the further hidden part of my mind for a long time vanished, making something clear. Terra was my destiny.
And so, holding each other, I said, “Then it’s time to go home.”
